The Mess Hall Incident
by Gotta Love Trip
Summary: Hoshi T'Pol and Trip try to create a puzzle, curriosity arises and the puzzle is forgotten completely, no ship of any sort, just friendsly humor, please R


Title: The Mess Hall Incident

Author: Emily and Becky

E-Mail: AlterationsChic@attbi.com

Rating: G

Category: General/Humor (well, at least WE thought it was funny)

Codes: A, Tu, T, S, Porthos, PFC (poor fallen crewmember), SRG (some random guy with a speaking part), SORG (some other random guy with a speaking part)

Summary: T'Pol argues, Hoshi listens, Trip trips, Archer wonders; ultimate phrase challenge: 

1. No harm ever came from reading a book 

2. I'll show you mine if you show me yours 

3. The road to hell is paved with good intentions'

4. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned

5. I wear pants too!

6. HELP! I've fallen and I can't get up

7. Conversations that start like that can't be good

8. Words can't DESCRIBE how I feel right now

9. Smile, it makes people suspicious

10. You didn't ask me

11. This is wrong

12. Masochist

And you have NO idea how hard it is to include "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" and "I wear pants, too!" in the same story, and it was VERY hard to include "Help! I've fallen and I can't get up, so that part's pretty stupid. Well, actually everything in this story is supposed to be one big stupid joke, so don't think it's supposed to be serious in any way…

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story except the bad humor. Everything else belongs to Paramount.

This Scene is set in the mess hall, where Trip, Hoshi, and T'Pol are sitting together at a table…… Don't ask me HOW these three ended up at a table together doing a puzzle, but it was the only way we could think of to make all of the lines fit….

Mess Hall incident

"This is wrong," T'Pol told Trip as they sat in the mess hall eating while working on a puzzle Hoshi had received as a gift a few years ago. The Vulcan was pointing at three puzzle pieces that she believed had been assembled in a hasty manner.

"What are you talking about? Those pieces fit perfectly." Trip argued. The two had been arguing for a long time now about various topics. Including a lengthy debate on whether Trip should read Vulcan literature.

"No harm ever came from reading a book." T'Pol had pointed out. Trip hadn't looked too happy about the prospect of it and only grudgingly agreed to read one of T'pol's books on Vulcan logic after Hoshi had taken T'Pol's side and convinced him to "read at least a few paragraphs." T'Pol then stated that she believed it would "help him complete the puzzle with greater ease… Well THAT didn't turn out well… Trip stopped reading it and threw the book back at T'Pol, missing her face by about an inch. He then had gone back to the puzzle. T'Pol, believing she could complete the puzzle better than either of the other two, continued to put the tiny pieces together. Hoshi just looked on, observing their behavior and putting together pieces of the puzzle quietly.

She was just starting to ignore them both when her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Trips voice, speaking quite loud.

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours." He proposed. 

Hoshi's head darted up. She realized that she had been ignoring them for longer than she thought, and had missed what they were talking about. She looked at T'Pol's face, then Commander Tucker's. T'Pol's was still as serious as it always was, and Trip looked almost offended. Hoshi looked back down at the puzzle and mumbled quietly to herself, "Conversations that start like that can't be good." She hoped that they hadn't heard her, when T'Pol voiced her response, she knew that they hadn't.

"Right Now?" T'Pol asked him, sounding almost surprised.

"Why Not?" Trip shrugged. Hoshi looked around the room and noticed that several of the other crewmembers in the mess hall were pretending not to be listening to Trip and T'pol's conversation, although they weren't doing a very good job of it. She tried to listen to several people who she believed were whispering about the argument.

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," she heard one crewmember say.

"What are you TALKING about?" another crewmember responded to her colleague's odd comment. 

"I have NO idea," the first one said. Well, obviously, those crewmembers WEREN'T talking about this conversation. 

Hoshi had to hold back a few giggles as she tried to listen to several others, but couldn't hear them. She went back to Trip and T'pol's unusual conversation just in time to hear T'Pol respond to Trip's question. It seemed that T'Pol had been thinking about her response quite carefully.

"That would not be appropriate, Commander."

"Why the hell not?" Trip asked innocently but confused.

It was apparent to Hoshi by now that Trip was proposing something that he was perfectly comfortable doing, while on the other hand, T'Pol was definitely not. What she could not figure out was what they where arguing over in the first place.

T'Pol was about to answer when someone yells from the floor near the entrance, "HELP! I've fallen and I can't get up!" It seemed however that everyone else was either too focused on the strange conversation to pay any attention, or simply didn't care about the poor fallen crewman. They simply glanced in his direction and went back to what they were doing. Hoshi, Trip, and T'Pol were no exception. 

Hoshi realized that Trip and T'Pol's conversation wasn't going well and could quite possibly end up with either one of them lying unconscious on the floor, or with Trip making a complete and utter fool of himself, so interrupting them was the best option. T'Pol was once again about to answer, when Hoshi decided to butt in by saying the first thing that came to her mind.

"You know" She said loudly to get their attention, "I hear if you smile, it makes people suspicious…" 

Both Trip and T'Pol gave her bewildered, confused looks, and while she tried to remain serious on the outside, she was silently kicking herself for saying something so stupid. 

"Perhaps that would explain many species hesitation to make first contact with humans" T'Pol commented nonchalantly before she stood up to leave.

"That does it!" Trip said. He got up to go after her. Unfortunately, his route took him past the fallen crewman. The desperate man, in a last attempt to get assistance grabbed Trip's leg as he was running by. Trip had no way to detach the hand from his leg in time to prevent himself from falling. Trip, as a last, futile attempt to stay balanced reached out for something to stabilized himself. Grabing the only thing within reach, T'Pol's arm, he pulled it close to himself as if to pull himself toward it. As Trip fell to the ground he took T'Pol with him, he fell forward, she fell backward, so the now three crewmembers ended up in a heap on the deck. Hoshi was certain that she heard several "OOF's".

Just as she saw them hit the ground, and was about to go render assistance, the door slid open to reveal Captain Archer in the doorway with Porthos. He was about to walk into the mess hall when he saw the heap of crewmembers. Hoshi stood up, walked over to them, and was about to say something when she looked down to see Porthos, the Captain's beagle, licking T'Pol on the face. She was trying to get up but Trip was still holding on to her arm for dear life, and the two of them were a bit tangled, so she could only move her legs. When she was finally able to wrench her arm free, she got up as quickly as possible leaving the Commander lying in the floor wriggling. The Captain still staring at the floor had a confused look on his face. He looked up at T'Pol who looked quite embarrassed, for a Vulcan. 

At that Time Hoshi walked over to him to explain what had transpired. "These two where fighting about something, and she decided to leave. He followed her, then that crewman tripped him and he pulled her down… And that's when you walked in."

"I see…" he answered. He looked at T'Pol who was now kneeled on the floor looking at the commander, who was still lying on the floor. "Trip?…" he asked the fallen engineer.

"You didn't ask me…" he said as his response.

"What?" Hoshi stated in response, asking no one in particular.

The captain was obviously curious as well. He looked at hoshi then back down at his friend on the floor "What didn't I ask you about Trip?" he asked.

"I wear pants too!" he yelled in response. 

" It appears Commander Tucker has finally succeeded in making a complete fool of himself," T'Pol said, crouching down to examine Trip better. Hoshi thought she might have heard a hint of sarcasm in T'Pol's voice, but wasn't certain. 

"T'Pol's a masochist, Cap'n!" Trip screamed from the floor. This resulted in a strange look from Archer, and a giggle from Hoshi. In fact, Hoshi, at this point, had actually turned her head to the side and was covering her mouth with her hand in an unsuccessful attempt to hide her giggling. 

T'Pol, on the other hand, completely ignored him. "Perhaps we should take him to sickbay." She said standing up looking the Captain right in the eye.

At that, Captain Archer looked down at Trip, then back up again. He had NEVER seen Trip act like this before. "I think you're right…" he answered. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * 

Later, Hoshi stood in Sickbay with T'Pol and the Captain, waiting for Trip to wake up. It turned out that all he had was a mild concussion, so no could explain EXACTLY why he had been acting so strangely. Well, the hour or so that they'd been standing there in silence had given Hoshi time to think about it. And she still didn't have an answer. Neither did Dr. Phlox, who had left approximately a half-hour ago, telling the three of them that waiting would not help any. Of course, they didn't listen to the doctor's suggestion that they come back later, and they continued to stand together in silence. When they finally got tired of waiting, T'Pol, of all people, had suggested that the three of them wake Trip themselves, via injection with a hypospray. They all agreed, and T'Pol was about to give him the injection. She looked back at the captain,, who nodded his approval, and she continued. As soon as she had injected him, she stepped back and stood between Hoshi and Captain Archer.

Trip began coming to and Hoshi walked over to the bed and asked. "How do you feel?" as he was opening his eyes.

"Words can't describe how I feel right now," he answered.

"Perhaps if you had not insisted on following me out of the mess hall, you would not be in this situation now." T'Pol scolded. 

At that, Trip sat up, slung his legs over the edge of the bed, and gave T'Pol a stubborn glare. "You know she's right, Trip." Captain Archer told him. Hoshi expected the engineer to protest, but instead, he just looked away and seemed to stubbornly agree. 

There was silence again, which was odd with the Commander in the room. Hoshi decided to break the silence. "It's good to see you sane again," she told him jokingly. 

"Yeah, you had us pretty worried there for a minute," the captain told him.

When he looked at the captain and realized that his friend wasn't joking, Trip looked worried and a bit confused. "What exactly happened?" he asked.

It seemed T'Pol was eager t humiliate him in front of the captain. "The fallen crewman grabbed you, and you began to fall. You attempted to support yourself, but pulled me with you instead." 

As he dropped his head, realizing that he'd not only humiliated himself, but T'Pol as well. Hoshi knew that he would never hear the end of it now, and decided to help him out as best she could. As T'Pol was about to continue on to what would most likely make him feel even worse, Hoshi decided not to let her tell this part and interjected. "After you fell you started yelling really strange things," she told him.

Trip yanked his head up and looked at Hoshi, apparently more worried now than he had been previously. "What kind of strange things?" he asked nervously.

"Well, I seem to remember something along the lines of 'There's something strange under my bed'."

"What?" he shouted in shock.

Archer merely chuckled at his friend's response and bade him farewell, "Yeah, and now that you're feeling better I've got work to do, see you later." With that the Captain walked out of sickbay quickly.

"I am also on duty, goodnight Commander, Ensign," T'Pol informed Trip and Hoshi leaving the room gracefully.

"Well… Now that you aren't screaming things like 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions' I want to ask you something."

"I said THAT…..?" he asked her with a cringe. It seemed that he then realized that she had asked him a question, so he responded. "Sure. Go ahead, as long as you don't mind coming with me, I'm hungry!" He hopped off the biobed he had been laying on and headed to the Mess Hall, Hoshi in tow.

"No problem," she answered following obediently. "I just wanted to know… what WERE you and T'Pol arguing about?"

"You mean in the mess hall before she got up and left?"

"Yeah"

With that he began laughing, although not very hard, just as they were reaching the mess hall door. "I asked her if she would-" 

They reached the door and opened it, just in time to see the fallen crewman still lying on the floor. "Can someone help me please?" he asked, interrupting the Commander's story.

They both just walked over him, careful to avoid his hands, and Hoshi allowed Trip to continue. Rather, she wanted him to continue. When all he did was walk over to the serving area and grab something to eat, she realized that he had probably forgotten. "Well...?" she asked him, hoping he would get the idea.

"Oh, yeah." he chuckled a little more. "I told her how old I was and she didn't believe me. Then I asked how old she was, just to be fair, than she asked to see my birth certificate so she could be certain I wasn't lying… So I told her I'd show her mine if she showed me hers… And you heard the rest…."

At that, Hoshi herself couldn't help from laughing, which in turn made the Commander laugh with her. 

A/N Thanks for reading Please Review, I live off of them… I know this was up before.. I have simply bata'ed it and put it back up.. All happy now.. MUCH better now too…couple problems fixed… anyway yeah.. PLEASE review I live off reviews, or kind E-mails, or even IM's.. I love those too… anyway.. REVIEW

Thanks Much

~Becky


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